Coaches Affairs with Students

2009-07-13T15:50:00.000-07:00

I begin this blog with a personal account of the devastating events of this past year which have destroyed my family and which will impact my life forever.

This past year I have lived through a coach’s wife’s worst nightmare – my husband of almost 14 years began a relationship with a high school cheerleader and student he met his first year at a high school he transferred to in SoCal. He was a PE teacher and the head football coach; she was the captain of the cheerleading squad. He was 47; she was 17. He was married with two teenage children of his own. His son played football in high school. I wasn't around every day as I was completing a doctoral program in another state and was commuting back and forth to our new home. The affair was revealed to me and to the school administration by a parent of a football player. My husband had asked her son for the cheerleader's phone number when she was 17 and a senior in high school. Incidentally, the football player used to date her.

Today although a police investigation ensued he is still coaching and teaching in the high school. The cheerleader was already more than two months pregnant at the time of the investigation -- however she had just turned 18. The charges were never substantiated by those in the know fearful of what the consequences might be. They now have a 3 month old baby who she brings to the games.

The way this was handled of course brings up several critical issues. Please respond with your thoughts and comments to the following questions:

1) Is it not predatory behavior when a coach allows a sexual relationship to begin with a student? The coach is the adult and despite the fact that the student may have 'come on' to the coach it is the coach's job to not let anything happen, and it should be reported to the principal. Isn't it disturbing that a married father 30 years her senior began a sexual relationship with a teenager and he got her pregnant when he was still married?

2) Equally disturbing are the reasons behind the failure of the school system to deal appropriately with this problem, among them the fear of making themselves and their schools look bad, and upsetting their communities. Did they want to cover up the fact that this was the third coach in less than 3 years to be accused of having a relationship with a student? Did they not want to jeopardize their football program (which had been flailing in the past) due to a loss of yet another coach? What could possibly make them look worse than allowing such behavior?

3) How does a community in a relatively low socioeconomic area react to these incidences, and what can be done to prevent a coach from preying on students in the future? Why did the parents and other teachers not step up and say this was unacceptable? Parents need to take the lead and demand that school officials be held accountable for their coaches misconduct and set strong standards to protect their students. Would this have been tolerated if this had been in a more affluent area?